You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize