Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
