You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
