I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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