Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
