I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
