So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
