hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize