Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
