How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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