i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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