you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
