I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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