I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
