I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
