i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
