You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
