Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
