Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
