My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
