So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
