I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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