Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
