i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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