hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
