my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
