Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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