I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
