Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
