we're blogging at a bar
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
