Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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