I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
