So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We are all done wearing pants today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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