allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
