I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
