one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
