and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
