my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
