Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
