If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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