remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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