I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
