No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
