Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
