I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
