Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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