he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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