My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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