i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
