Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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