Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
