I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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