Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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