Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
