he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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