Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
