Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
