What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize