my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
