There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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