Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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