Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
