is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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