8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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