I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
