He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
