i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want nice things and good sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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