we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
