Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
